Love the rain.
Admittedly the overcast makes me feel sullen, as does the lack of daylight during winter days, but nothing makes me feel cleaner.
Look, look. The world is crying. It is crying hard.
But it will feel better.
And everything will feel new again.
I have decided to stop liking things so casually.
I am re-evaluating all of my “likes” on this site. Which is to say, things I would want to inspire me, or are really cool, but have long since been eaten by a pit of despair and inability to find at a later date. Basically a really bad system of bookmarking. And I don’t like Pinterest very much.
Increasingly I realize that most of the time I like something casually, it means either I am ambivalent about it and there is no good way of expressing that the thing I am “liking” is good, but not that good. It’s barely on this side of tolerable. Maybe by being so casual, we are undervaluing extreme emotions and words. Which we do.
There needs to be an option for “it’s okay -shrug-“.
I buy and collect lots of things that seem to make sense only in isolation. A particular scarf that matches nothing. A pair of shoes that rock on their own. Weird and bizarre mugs. Individual songs and not albums. Little things. Big things. Contradictory things. But when you put them together, they make some sort of sense. People are idiosyncratic beings after all. But with certain patterns.
And I guess that’s what makes us, us.
I can still recall the first time someone sincerely told me that my art did something for them, made them feel better. I still think a lot about what he said, even if he didn’t say it directly to me.
It gives a lot of hope for yourself. That you can do it. You treasure this person, their thoughts, hold them in high esteem, and then for him or her to tell you that what you do made a difference in their life, it makes all the difference in yours. It builds faith.
I still cry thinking about what he said.
I saw the ocean as I drove today. A glimmer of ocean, around 3:40pm. I didn’t know the ocean was out there. A light haze blanketed the valley below the 134. You could see everything, all the way to the coast. You could see the topography, the downtown, everything. You could see the undulations come up and down, dark and light, serene.
I watched the sun set today behind clouds. It looked like dawn. The fabulous comings of some apocalypse. The sky didn’t gradate, it was alight with gold and fire only at the point. It looked like maybe a firebird was dying, dying and plummeting to its doom in the distance. It was a furious struggle, wispy clouds lit soft orange, beautiful like the strokes of a painting.
Everything was periwinkle and so cold.